ceinwyn81 (ceinwyn81) wrote,

Life as I know it

Yesterday I had a sort of epiphany. I been walking around carrying so much stress and anger. I am just tired of it. It seems like I am getting dumped on with bad things one thing after another. I break up with my BF of practically 5 years in IL for what I think is a good reason. Then I move back to WA where I struggled to find a job while my new bf Chad whined, drank and called in sick to work every day, I got pregnant, Roommate issues, then move into my old home with Troy, Can't pay rent so I have to work McD's AND for Troy while Chad sleeps all day and drinks all night NOT working at all, get into an all out fight where my bedroom door takes a punch, Chad leaves, I move into my moms, I get New car from Troy, Ray moves into apartment with his dog, Troy takes car back, Malibu car is toast.

All of it.

The universe, I believe, is trying to tell me to just start over. Let all the anger go. Time for a new start. With Kaylee coming I have a big Change ahead of me.Why not start anew?

I can't control everything, but I can control how I react and work through all of the things that happen to me.

i broke up with Paul for a good reason. Jobs are hard to find everywhere. Chad is an alcoholic with mommy issues and lives in denial. Getting Pregnant is a blessing. Roommates were only behaving as they usually would, and everything got sorted out. Moving into Troys wasn't a bad thing, but it was a conflict. Again Chad has issues. Moving into my moms was a great idea at the time. Troy giving me that Nissan to rent to own was great. Ray moving in was stressful and I worry it will cause us to be evicted, but I am going to be working on a solution.Troy taking car back might have been the best thing, only because now I have zero ties to him. Malibu dying was just a matter of time.


Ray has been a huge dickface. But I decided to stop letting him stress me out. I want to try talking to my mom and seeing about setting a timeframe for Ray's stay here. If he didn't have that Dog we'd be ok. However, that dog is a pit bull and it will get bigger and we won't have space in the apartment. He takes poor care of the dog anyway so finding it a better home would be better. Also I am concerned with all the pissing this dog does on the carpet. We cant just go clean the carpets now cuz the dog will just pee all over it again. I am scared to let my baby crawl around in the apartment when she comes. The dog is good about going outside, it's just Ray is too lazy to pay attention to her and take her outside so the poor thing can pee.

But all in all. instead of wallowing in it I am moving forward. Making plans. Reasonable plans. :)
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